JOEL Though I feel like Jackassdoes need a faggot.

JOE Actually, I think Joel could probably fuck 90 percent of the Jackass guys. Probably start with Preston.

JOEL Well, with Preston all you have to do is find a fold and fuck it, right?

JOE Yeah, yeah. Just take a bucket and splash it over him and go to town.

JOEL (to me) Wait, what was the question?

KURT (in announcer voice) Which Jackass guy would you fuck?

JOE We'd all agree on Knoxville, I'm sure . . .

(TO JOE) DO YOU EVER GET OPINIONATED ABOUT FOOD?

ALLlaughter

I MEAN, DO YOU EVER GET ANGRY?

JOE Yeah. We ate at this shithole restaurant in Springvale. We cut it right out of the show. Alex aggressively hated that place.

ALEX And Joe always calls me Friendly Alex, but on that occasion I was so fucking angry. Again, at the sort of overpromise/underdeliver thing. Not just the food but the overall treatment of us, the treatment after the fact. Not because we expect anything. We actually expect nothing from the people outside of just letting us come in.

DO YOU GET COMPED?

JOE We do sometimes.

ALEX We get comped occasionally. We get comped half the time, I'd say.

JOEL Or sometimes discounted.

JOE We never, ever expect to get comped.

ALEX Zero percent ever an expectation. We go in expecting to pay for stuff. And we've featured places very happily that haven't comped us. And we love it.

JOE Content's the most important.

SO, JOE, WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR LEAST RATIONAL DISLIKES ABOUT FOOD?

JOE My biggest dislikes are people who make food too precious when it's completely unnecessary to do so. People who put their own food on a pedestal and make the dining experience something that it doesn't need to be by any means. That's my biggest thing, besides food that just tastes like shit.

ARE THERE PLACES LIKE THAT IN PORTLAND?

JOE There are lots. Well, there are some.

JOEL Like in any town.

JOE As long as there are human beings there will be human beings who own shitty restaurants and do a terrible job.

BUT THERE ARE ALSO PLACES LIKE LITTLE HOLE-IN-THE-WALLS THAT ARE AMAZING . . .

JOE Exactly, I would rather go and have amazing food at a little hole-in-the-wall that's BYOB than spend $400 for two people at a place that's trying to act like I'm Mr. James Beard or I got 6000 stars or you're supposed to like what I do because it's expensive. Those people are lost. They're dead to me.

BARBARA EHRENREICH, THE WRITER AND SOCIAL CRITIC, ONCE WROTE: FOR THE MILLIONS OF US WHO LIVE GLUED TO COMPUTERS AT WORK AND TV MONITORS AT HOME, FOOD MAY BE MORE THAN ENTERTAINMENT. IT MAY BE THE ONLY SENSUAL EXPERIENCE LEFT.

ALEX We get real sensual then.

JOE People are more likely to eat food than to get laid. You don't have to feel bad about buying food.

JOEL There's something sensual in the reaction to eating something that you're enjoying in that moment so much . . .

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