St. Patrick’s Day in Boston is insane. Not only is it one of the largest celebrations of its kind in the US, with well over half a million visitors, but our city is home to more “Irish bars” than most stateside. Combined, this brings out all sorts of amateurs, and if you’re drinking beer in the area this Paddy’s Day, you don’t want to be confused for one. Fret not; we’re here to help with four simple tips. Sláinte!

1) Forgo green beer. Putting green dye in your beer is disrespectful to the brewery. It’s also nasty and potentially a health risk to some. Just say no.

2) Beware of bar scarring. If you hit a bar with a cover, you’ll probably be tagged. You’ll no doubt hit other places too, but before you do, scrub that stamp off your hand or trash the wristband; there’s no need to advertise your pre-gaming.

3) Dress the part. Wearing minimal green is fine, but you don’t want to look like a leprechaun. And any form of headgear basically says: “Look at me, because you’ll be tossing me from the bar later.”

4) Remember: you’re (probably) not from Ireland. As your consumption increases, the urge to communicate in a faux-Irish accent may occur. Don’t act Irish. Even Irish-ish. If the urge lasts four hours or more, seek a cab and go home.


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