Portland Gift Guide 2010: Real gifts for real people

Stocking stuffers for the drunks, hippies, and geeks in your life
By PORTLAND PHOENIX STAFF  |  December 9, 2010
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If Phoenix readers are weird, what’s that make their friends? The genius who answers that question deserves a Nobel Prize/ But if we step out of the big picture for a moment, most would agree that — as a tribe —  we’re gift-challenged.

Which is not to say ungifted. Over-educated and chronically disgruntled, the thought of mandatory good cheer in a time bereft of holiday bonuses makes our lot not only cranky but anxious as well.

Consider this a special present from the writers and editors of the Phoenix. It’s a fibrous injection of quasi-journalistic Klonopin that is not only recyclable, but is already 50-percent recycled.

As consumers, we seek transcendence. We reject the lame stereotypes of the merely materialistic. In an age of over-defined niches, we counsel courage. Don’t be cowed by delicate vegans, or intimidated by geeks —  no matter how cute. Seek communion with the beloved tech snobs in your life. Embrace the metropolitan hippie. Be one with horror fiends. And, above all else, stay away from those Kardashian gift cards.

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