How To Be Good at the Future

By CHRIS FARAONE  |  January 12, 2011

Shout it out
Anybody who remains hesitant to tweet, friend, link, and Digg has nothing to worry about; no matter how badly you embarrass yourself online, there's always that woman who accidentally posted a public note thanking her "strong and powerful" date for "mounting" her after "many long months of abstinence." It's time to share your thoughts about what an asshole Sarah Palin is — not to mention your recipe for nacho beer lasagna. Don't be the last fool around to pimp an arcane Web site; at BCAE, instructor Susan Johnston of urbanmusewriter.com offers "Start Your Own Blog" ($60) to "look at several successful blogs and learn basic blog anatomy like blogrolls and RSS feeds." More advanced disseminators might want to check "Demystifying Computers & Digital Technology" ($121) at CCAE — where the class looks past applications and into "what a computer is and how it works" — and "Promoting Your Blog" ($60), which ups the technological ante with advice on how to "possibly bring in some money in the [blogging] process" ($60). Some of this stuff sounds complicated, but it's easier than how your roommate used to make cash on Craig's List.

Of course, planning for the future isn't just about broadcasting news of your latest diarrhea storm throughout the blogosphere. It's about joining the increasingly global community, which might mean learning a new language or two. Both major adult-education centers in the Boston area offer an impressive range of foreign fluency choices, from French to Swahili. We suggest you start with "Beginner Level-One Arabic" ($178) at CCAE or "Conversational Spanish" ($125) at BCAE; after all — the president is Muslim, and he's surrendering our country to illegal immigrants from South America. When you're done "practicing Spanish in a fun and supportive environment," go all-out and enroll in "Merengue & Cha Cha" ($110) at BCAE; 99 percent of the United States population will be Latino in a few years, and there might be a J-Lo or Antonio Banderas in your windshield.

Better yet — screw all that time-consuming language talk, and sign up for "The iPhone: One-Session Workshop" ($35) at BCAE. There you'll learn how to freak those little bastard gadgets through "media management, a touch-screen interface, networking capability, and the ability to run games and applications." As it turns out, this is essentially the only thing you need to know in the future; whether you want to translate Dutch to French or find the closest stall to tie off in, there's probably an app for that. If not, then a solution is soon to come on iPhone's big brother, which you can master at "The iPad: One-Session Workshop" ($28) at BCAE, or "Introduction to the iPad" ($30) at BACE. As a matter of fact, disregard everything in this entire article prior to this paragraph. With the iPad, you can plan a long and prosperous life for you and your loved ones, blog of your phenomenal fortune, and save the world in the process. But first you have to learn how to use it.

Chris Faraone can be reached at cfaraone@phx.com.

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