FENWAY PARK Hot news tip here: this is where the Boston Red Sox baseball team plays. Sports is all anyone in Boston cares about. Even your most clichéd hipster pussies are sweating this game, and the game is always on, at every bar or club you will ever go to. If you're from Long Island and a big Yankees fan, you should get drunk at the bar and let everyone know that. It's a good way to meet new people.

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FANEUIL HALL Some boor you know is going to insist you check out this tourist trap/shopping mall/historical re-enactment plaza, or go drinking in one of its many cattle-staging areas for date rape and bro-fighting. Unsubscribe that person from your face.

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