The adorable adventures of the lil 'est left-behinders
After the Rapture, God will reward the suffering of the righteous with infinite, indescribable joy.
But what of their beloved companions? Pets — no matter how cuddly — lack souls. While their pious masters are frolicking with Jesus, loyal puppies, adorable kitties, and stalwart goldfish will find themselves alone in a terrifying hell on Earth. These little cuties will be forever condemned to spend the rest of their tiny, miserable lives with homosexuals, Catholics, and the liberal elite.
Two years ago, a New Hampshire retiree named Bart Centre decided to do something about it. Centre, more commonly known by his nom-de-blog, “The Atheist Camel,” cobbled together a nationwide network of 44 pet-loving nonbelievers to come to the rescue if and when the big day comes. For a nominal fee, he and his Rapture Rescuers will take in pets whose Christian masters have evaporated. Their enterprise, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, has more than 250 customers willing to pay $135 to give their fuzzy charges a chance of surviving the coming tribulations. (For the nitty-gritty details, we refer you to our online Q&A with Centre.)
But Centre and the Rapture Rescuers can only do so much. Someday soon, millions of soulless, helpless animals will be left to fend for themselves on Judgment Day. These are their stories.