What kinds of animals will you accept?
The vast majority of the animals we rescue are dogs. Very, very few cats. We’ve got cockatoos and parrots, which evidently live for a long time. In Montana we have a horse. And I, in Vermont, happen to have a llama that I am committed to rescuing. I cover from Vermont to New Hampshire and parts of Massachusetts. We don’t have a lot of activity up through the Northeast. When you think about it, there are probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 million Rapture-believing Christians in this country. You’ve got to assume that at least half of them have pets. You’ve got wonder, out of those 20 million people, how come we only have 250-plus customers?

Do you think it’s because of the competition?
What competition?

After the Rapture Pet Care — it’s some website! They don’t have any volume. I know the lady who does it, and she has not made a single sale. As far as I know, we’re the only operation that is signing contracts and making money. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we were the first. Everybody else [thought], “Hey, this sounds like a good idea, let me jump on board and start my own company.” None of them have an infrastructure. None of them have commitments to specific states. A lot of them are trying to duplicate our verbiage, but I think it becomes apparent to people that they’re just trying to jump on a bandwagon. I hold them no ill will, it’s a free market, I just suggest the buyer beware. The real reason behind [our lack of business] has become pretty evident through the emails that we get from believers. Those people say to us that when they’re in heaven, they’re not going to care about pets. Everything will be good. There won’t be any worries. It’ll be the last thing on their minds. I find that a very sad concept — you figure your pet’s going to fend for itself, so you don’t have to worry about it. Some of them say to me or in their emails, “Well, you know, Jesus and God will take care of the pets. They love animals.” I remind them that Jesus and God didn’t do much good for lowly animals when the Flood came.

The [other response] is, “All dogs go to heaven.” I remind them that All Dogs Go To Heaven is the name of animated film from 1989 and is not part of the Bible.

Most of my letters are a little threatening. They accuse atheists as being the type of people who just want to collect their pets so we can eat them after the Rapture. Some have even accused us of having interest in their animals from a sexual perspective. Atheists aren’t high on the list for Christians when it comes to trust or morals.

Do people tell you why they’re not going to use your service?
There’s hostility, like, “Why are you making fun of us? You’re going to learn your lesson. You’re going to burn in hell for eternity. You’re going to have enough trouble taking care of yourselves during the seven years of tribulation following the Rapture. Why would anyone think you’d be able to take care of their pets?”

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