SATURDAY 6.11 | PRIDE PARADE + FESTIVAL
Parade starts at Tremont and East Berkeley streets, culminates with Festival at City Hall Plaza, Boston | 12–6 pm | bostonpride.org/festival
Everyone seems to have a love/hate relationship with the Pride Parade. Focus on the Family types hate it because of all the gay, but love it because it gives them footage of half-naked paunchy guys in gimp masks to use in their propaganda films. Gays love it because of all the gay, but hate it because of all the straight hangers-on who show up to demonstrate their hipness. The flamers get mad when it's too family-friendly; the yuppies get pissed off when there's too much radical fairydust floating around. There's no way to please everyone, but it doesn't matter — you'll end up going no matter what.
SATURDAY 06.11 | UNDER-21 PARTY: CLUB SIZZLE
Quincy Market, 2nd Floor Rotunda, Fanueil Hall, Boston | 7–11 pm | $10 | bostonpride.org/sizzle
You baby queers, you think life is hard just because your mom asks you not to bring your strap-on to Thanksgiving dinner. You don't know how good you have it. Back in our day, the Pride Parade was uphill — both ways! If you wanted to have sex with a stranger, we didn't have Grindr — you had to go the Fens after dark! And stand around! For hours! There was no such thing as the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog! If you wanted to get married, it had to be to someone of the opposite sex! You have no idea. You really have no idea.
SUNDAY 06.12 | BLOCK PARTIES
JP Block Party, Perkins Street, Jamaica Plain | 12–7 pm | bostonpride.org/jp
Stuart Street Block Party, between Arlington and Berkeley streets, Boston | 12–8 pm | bostonpride.org/stuart
Yeah, baby, take that shirt off. The two block parties that bookend Pride — one in JP, the other on Stuart Street — both offer inland seas of tanned torsos, gelled hair and muscle T's on men and women alike. What else is there to say, really? Let's see . . . sweaty . . . shirtlessness . . . tofu. (Can't have a JP block party without tofu. And lesbians.) Oh, and if you must keep your shirt on, at least pop that collar.
SATURDAY 6.4 + SATURDAY 6.11 | NKOTBSB
TD Garden, 100 Legends Way, Boston | June 4 @ 7 pm | $29.50–$89.50 | ticketmaster.com
Fenway Park, 4 Yawkey Way, Boston | June 11 @ 6:30 pm | $43–$748 | fenwayticketking.com
Admit it; you're totally going to this. Possibly more than once.