Parade starts at Tremont and East Berkeley streets, culminates with Festival at City Hall Plaza, Boston | 12–6 pm |

Everyone seems to have a love/hate relationship with the Pride Parade. Focus on the Family types hate it because of all the gay, but love it because it gives them footage of half-naked paunchy guys in gimp masks to use in their propaganda films. Gays love it because of all the gay, but hate it because of all the straight hangers-on who show up to demonstrate their hipness. The flamers get mad when it's too family-friendly; the yuppies get pissed off when there's too much radical fairydust floating around. There's no way to please everyone, but it doesn't matter — you'll end up going no matter what.


Quincy Market, 2nd Floor Rotunda, Fanueil Hall, Boston | 7–11 pm | $10 |

You baby queers, you think life is hard just because your mom asks you not to bring your strap-on to Thanksgiving dinner. You don't know how good you have it. Back in our day, the Pride Parade was uphill — both ways! If you wanted to have sex with a stranger, we didn't have Grindr — you had to go the Fens after dark! And stand around! For hours! There was no such thing as the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog! If you wanted to get married, it had to be to someone of the opposite sex! You have no idea. You really have no idea.


JP Block Party, Perkins Street, Jamaica Plain | 12–7 pm |

Stuart Street Block Party, between Arlington and Berkeley streets, Boston | 12–8 pm |

Yeah, baby, take that shirt off. The two block parties that bookend Pride — one in JP, the other on Stuart Street — both offer inland seas of tanned torsos, gelled hair and muscle T's on men and women alike. What else is there to say, really? Let's see . . . sweaty . . . shirtlessness . . . tofu. (Can't have a JP block party without tofu. And lesbians.) Oh, and if you must keep your shirt on, at least pop that collar.


TD Garden, 100 Legends Way, Boston | June 4 @ 7 pm | $29.50–$89.50 |

Fenway Park, 4 Yawkey Way, Boston | June 11 @ 6:30 pm | $43–$748 |

Admit it; you're totally going to this. Possibly more than once.

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