STUDENT_SURV_EGGS_480

MASSART'S TERRIFYING, UNSOLVED, BREAKFAST-FOOD-RELATED CRIME SPREE

Students were doubtlessly left traumatized by an unknown number of assailants who viciously struck them with eggs they threw from a hiding spot. These deplorable perversions of the cornerstone of any nutritious non-vegan breakfast occurred on four separate occasions within a two-week period in early November. If you have any information regarding the serial egger, or eggers, reprimand them for wasting food. On a far less malicious note, students presumably unrelated to the egger(s) got in trouble for laser-pointer hijinks in September. You'd think MassArt kids would come up with more imaginative pranks. Oh well.

TOP THREE FLAGRANT WASTES OF MIT POLICE'S TIME

1_ On December 4, someone called cops to report that paper had been stolen off a desk. The case is considered closed.

2_ Interestingly enough, someone in the same building claimed a data report had been stolen on December 6. That case is also closed. Either someone was going around stealing people's homework, or somebody was forcing police to humor their paranoid delusions.

3_ On December 11, a report was filed citing the malicious destruction of a pair of Ugg boots. Really, it's totally worth calling the police when someone messes up your nice and probably expensive boots. But since the boots in this case were Uggs, the vandal was probably doing the owner a favor.

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