Law & Disorder: The Best of Last Semester's Campus Crime Logs

By BARRY THOMPSON | January 25, 2012

THE TOP THREE "WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?" INCIDENTS FROM THE BU CRIME LOG

1_ WHO THE FUCK BREAKS INTO SOMEONE'S DORM JUST TO USE THE BATHROOM? On the evening of September 29, a woman who lives alone returned campus housing to discover someone had pissed in her toilet, left the seat up, shaved in her sink without cleaning up the whisker mess, and probably stolen her razor.

2_ WHO THE FUCK PLAYS CHICKEN WITH THE TRAINS? On September 21, Boston Police gave Boston University Police a heads-up that a white male who had been "playing chicken with the trains" might be lurking around the tennis courts near Nickerson Field. Massachusetts State Police were likewise notified.

3_ WHO THE FUCK EXPECTS US TO BELIEVE THAT WAS REALLY AN ALARM CLOCK? On the evening of September 2, a suspicious buzzing sound emanated from a package in a campus mail room. The person intended to receive the package permitted officers to open it. Officers deemed the buzzing came from an "alarm clock," not a bomb. We can't think of a reason why a person would want an alarm clock sent to them via snail mail. We can think of a handful of good reasons why a person would want a vibrator sent to them via snail mail. In this instance, we suspect the identifying phrase "alarm clock" was intended as a polite euphemism by police. Just a hunch.

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