You're Doing It Wrong: Beards

Don't worry. Our expert is here to help.
By ALEXANDRA CAVALLO  |  November 8, 2012

beards_doingitwrong
The beard. It's the manliest accessory a dude can sport, the hirsute seat of his virility, an announcement that he is one bad mamba jamba with testosterone and style to spare. And along with its more streamlined peer, the moustache, it's the focus of multiple facial-hair competitions being staged around town this month in honor of Movember, an annual campaign to raise awareness and funds for men's health causes. Bert Mayer, a Boston Beard Bureau member and proud owner of one of the fiercest beards in town, is a regular on the competitive beard and 'stache circuit. (He most recently competed in BeardFest this past Saturday at the Armory in Somerville.)

Since our know-how on the subject had been limited to what we gleaned from Parks and Recreation star Nick Offerman's online tutorial "How to Grow a Moustache" (in which he offers tips like "tolerate a crying baby," "smell wood," and "eat a raw onion"), we asked Mayer to share some pro tips of his own.

ON CULTIVATING A STRONG, FULL BEARD: "I would say to fight someone with a bigger beard than yourself to gain their powers, but you'll just lose. So just throw out the razor and wait."

ON ITCHY, NEWBORN BEARDS: "Man up. Some people say you can brush or comb the itchiness away. Don't scratch it. Just be content knowing that soon you will look like a man."

ON CHOOSING A SIGNATURE STYLE: "You really just need to go with what feels natural. It can take years to get 'your look.' I try new shapes in my beard all the time. The easiest way to try new things is to grow out your whole beard, then shave it down to the desired look (goatee, chops, moustache, etc.)."

ON COMPETITION: "Depending on the judges and their level of expertise, as well as the category, they can look at density, length, color, shape, neatness (no stray hairs), and really just how you wear it."

ON PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENTS: "A good multivitamin will never hurt. Keep yourself healthy, and the beard will grow. Biotin is something that can help grow hair and nails, as well as prenatal vitamins. I personally always thought that one was a bit weird."

  Topics: Lifestyle Features , Facial Hair, MOUSTACHE, beards,  More more >
| More


Most Popular
ARTICLES BY ALEXANDRA CAVALLO
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   KEEPING TIME WITH FASHIONABLY LATE  |  March 06, 2013
    Some — ahem, everyone in NYC — would say Boston isn't a fashion-forward city.
  •   INTERVIEW: NICK OFFERMAN, THE MAN'S MAN OF PARKS AND REC  |  February 15, 2013
    Is Ron Swanson the manliest character on TV right now?
  •   THE TNT SHORT LIST: ARTSEMERSON'S NEXT THING  |  February 12, 2013
    Mike Daisey's anthropologic commentary on American culture is just the beginning of what ArtsEmerson has in store for festival-goers at The Next Thing (TNT) Festival.
  •   COMMON THREADS: BLOCK SHOP TEXTILES  |  February 15, 2013
    This past November, two giant burlap parcels — hand-stitched together and sealed with wax — arrived on Hopie Stockman's Cambridge doorstep.
  •   REVIEW: MAMA  |  January 22, 2013
    This creepy Guillermo Del Toro-produced horror flick (his hallmarks are all around the smudgy edges) demonstrates convincingly that step-parenting is a real bitch.

 See all articles by: ALEXANDRA CAVALLO