Bowl games

Pee freaks and bathroom snoops
By DAN SAVAGE  |  January 24, 2006

I have a sexual interest in the sounds of men using the toilet. There are several restaurants very close to my home, and I hide a wireless telephone headset in an inconspicuous place in the bathroom. I can then record, from my home, the sounds of men farting and defecating. My husband is aware of this and tolerates it, but he believes that this is unacceptable behavior, as it infringes on the privacy of others. I believe that no harm is done.

I do record the transmissions, but only for my own personal use. I don’t share them on the Internet. No cameras are involved — I record audio only — and I am not interested in seeing the men I hear. Since these are public washrooms with multiple stalls, and since the sounds that any person makes there can be heard by any number of strangers, I do not feel I am invading anyone’s privacy. Lastly, the whole situation is anonymous (I have no way of identifying anyone by his noise).

My husband believes that recording anyone without his permission is invasive, but my audio recordings are much less invasive than the recordings made by the restaurant’s security cameras. However, I have agreed that I will turn all my recording equipment over to my husband if you think what I do is wrong.

— Pitching Headsets And Retiring Telephones?

Your question could stump a modern Solomon, PHART. No man using a public, multi-stalled restroom expects that his farts will go unheard. Still, in many places it’s illegal to make an audio recording of someone without his knowledge — but those laws are usually about recording conversations, not flatulence or splatulence. And while no one would like to think that his farts are being taped and, er, enjoyed by a perverted stranger, the men are unaware that they’re being taped. And even if the tapes were to fall into the wrong hands — a local TV news team, Howard Stern, the terrorists — no one would be able to identify an individual based on his farts alone.

So I’m tempted to say no harm, no foul — until I contemplate walking into one of your wired restrooms myself. Since I wouldn’t want to be taped under those circumstances, I can’t with a clear conscience encourage you to tape other men. Just because someone doesn’t know that he’s been violated, PHART, doesn’t mean you haven’t violated him. A man in a public restroom can’t reasonably expect total privacy, but he can expect a certain degree of privacy. So I’m sorry, PHART, but you’re going to have to hand over the recording equipment.

___

My wife and I have a great sex life, and I knew that she had a kinky side when we tied the knot. However, I was not prepared for piss. I have tried my best to put out a hot stream for her, but as a child I was always the smallest, and my dick was “proportionate.” I was teased at school and since that time I have been unable to urinate if someone else is present.

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