Weird science

Could be verse: poetry ripped straight from the headlines

By JAMES PARKER | June 27, 2007

VIDEO: Parker reads "Weird Science"

Lines in Anticipation of the Final Installment of the Harry Potter Series, After Reading About the “Fringe Research” Being Conducted by the Pentagon.

When post-pubescent sorcerers add bong hits to their spells,
And brain-implanted dogfish steer themselves by phantom smells,
When Hagrid is seen near the Hancock Tower, and Snape in the Arsenal Mall —
I’ll tell you what happens to Voldemort, and Hermione, and all.

When cosmic amnesty’s declared on dusty Air Force bases,
And little people wander out with empty Roswell faces,
When the mandrake’s scream is a dwarf’s wet dream, and the dragon turns on his smoke machine,
And the witch in the ditch makes your testicles itch while the Fairy Queen reads a magazine,
When the gay bomb lands and we all hold hands and sing till we are one —
I’ll tell you what happens to Harry, and Hermione, and Ron.

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ARTICLES BY JAMES PARKER

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FINDING OUT WHAT MAKES THE MEAT PUPPETS TICK WITH A NEW ORAL HISTORY | May 30, 2012
As half-assed a form as it can be, the rock-band oral history is a folk form nonetheless, with a great claim to authenticity.

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GETTING TO KNOW PHILIP LARKIN WITH A NEW EDITION OF HIS POEMS | April 26, 2012
"A smash of glass and a rumble of boots/Electric trains and a ripped-up phonebooth/Paint-spattered walls and the cry of a tomcat/Lights going out, and a kick in the balls." These lines are not by Philip Larkin, of course — they're by Paul Weller.

BLACK SABBATH ARE BACK — IN PRINT AND ON FILM | November 14, 2011
The literature on Black Sabbath — already extensive — will continue to grow, as we try, try, try again to wrap our poor noggins around the irreducibly cosmic fact of this band.