Could be verse: poetry ripped from the headlines
By JAMES PARKER | October 3, 2007
Lines upon learning that two professors from the University of Pennsylvania have concluded that men are currently happier than women
Sweet ebullience of the male! Mars is red with joy:
Celestial gonad in a mood no woman can destroy.
And Venus, dressed in sulfur-clouds, hovering by the sun,
Venus with cramps, with painful shoes, she is the sorrowing one.
How is it that men sit in all of the highest places
Despite the food falling out of their mouths, and the hair growing out of their faces?
Related:
Excuse them while they kiss the sky, Trash talk, Till rust do us part, More
- Excuse them while they kiss the sky
A friend of mine has a six-year-old son who has named each of his testicles. He calls one “Earth” and the other “Space.”
- Trash talk
Trash night. Trash night, trash night, trash night. Abfallnacht , as they probably call it in Germany.
- Till rust do us part
Lines upon learning that an artificial-intelligence researcher at the University of Maastricht, in the Netherlands, has predicted that, by 2050, robot-human marriage will be legal in the state of Massachusetts.
- The pursuit of perfection
Lines upon learning that a Lexus parked on the grounds of an English stately home was “sexually attacked” by a peacock
- Enter sandman
Lines upon reading about the anesthesiologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital who was suspended for falling asleep during an operation
- Evil incarnate
Metal reveres above all the single mind, undivided by doubt or the gentle dialectics of sanity.
- Sigur Ros at the Orpheum
Well, having done the research, I’m warming to this Jonsi Birgisson — gay, blind in one eye, loves Iron Maiden, plays the guitar with a cello bow, and sings, when the mood takes him, in a made-up language called “Hopelandic.”
- Fine, don't goat for it
Farming animals is a very inefficient, expensive, and environmentally destructive way of producing food and money.
- The New New Age
“In the United States,” wrote novelist and poet Jim Harrison in 1976, “it is a curious habit of ours to wait for the future when it has happened already.”| Daniel Pinchbeck discusses 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl (mp3)
- For Pete’s sake
It’s been 24 years since the Who released a studio album. Townshend’s follies: Pete's pet projects. By James Parker.
- Who wants to be a filmmaker?
Anybody who’s had dealings with small children knows the importance of “the pitch.”
- Less

Topics:
Lifestyle Features
, University of Pennsylvania