Kinky Boston

By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  April 14, 2009

But proponents of BDSM insist that, under the proper consensual conditions, nobody gets harmed having kinky sex. "There's this idea that kinky people are out of control, that we're somehow hurting people," says Susan Wright, of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF). "And that's not true, particularly when it comes to SM. It's consensual. Anybody can stop anything at any time. We're all consenting adults; we're not interested in educating or engaging people who are not adults. The biggest thing is that we're part of your community. We're your neighbors and co-workers — you just don't know it."

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Special thanks to Mister Sister and Phoebe Pitassi.
Joy and pain
"Kink" generally refers to sexual activity that deviates from the norm — though it isn't necessarily about sexual gratification. Often, rather, it's about power play, gender and social role reversals, and the relinquishment (or acquisition) of control. The vanilla community (as non-kinks are known by their kinky peers) has a gamut of preconceived judgments about kinks and fetishists, ranging from innocuous amusement to uppity outrage, the latter of which surely provide the primary reason why, especially in Boston, kinks tend to stay underground. Being outed can cost people their jobs and general social standing.

"There is no shortage of kinksters in Boston," says "Dee," a professional dominatrix who asked that her real name not be used. Having worked (and played) for several years in the Greater Boston area, Dee knows the ins and outs of the local kink scene as well as anyone can know a community of people who tend to tightly shield their sexual alter-egos. She says that her clients are largely clean-cut, respectful people who'd rather not let their freak flags fly; instead, they prefer to keep their private lives to themselves, their mistress, and, on occasion, even their partner.

While Dee doesn't herself engage in sexual activity with her clients, she does coach a lot of couples on the pleasurably painful world of kinky sex, and, more important, on the merits of open communication with your sexual partner. "What I describe as 'kinky sex,' " she says, "is typically anything that is creative, or asks you or your partner to stretch your fantasies or limits. It engages more of your intellect, your imagination, your senses."

Imagination and sensory perception are integral tools in the fetishist's belt, and can help elevate what might otherwise be an ordinary bedroom interaction to an extraordinary one. Fetishism can be defined, most simply, as the atmospheric or physical pre-requisites one needs to get off. They can be as simple as needing to wear a pair of socks in order to have an orgasm, or as elaborate as donning a full bridle, bit, and saddle to play Black Beauty for a few hours. The possibilities are endless — pony play, puppy play, foot fetish, glove fetish, "water sports" (also known as piss play), age play (often involving adults in diapers, sucking on binkies — this is, we're told, especially popular with politicians), fisting, spanking, tickling. Basically, if you can wet dream it, you can do it — and there's likely an entire community of people who want to do it with you.

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