BONUS A list of the top 10 Star Wars euphemisms for masturbation (something that comes in handy on the lonely, cold nights camped outside Skywalker Ranch).
10) Grooming the Wookie
9) Polishing Vader's Helmet
8) Evacuating Tatooine
7) Unsheathing the Meatsaber
6) Releasing the Special Edition
5) Communicating with Red Leader One
4) Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
3) Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
2) Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
1) Test Firing the Death Star
Share your techniques by e-mailing firstname.lastname@example.org. Additional reporting for this column done by Alexis Hauk.
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