Do you think Jersey Girl would’ve been better-received if Gigli had never been made?
I think if Gigli hadn’t been made, Jersey Girl would’ve made about double what it did. They made those movies Uptown Girls, and Raising Helen. They weren’t the same as Jersey Girl, but they were cut from the same kind of cloth. Those movies did 40, or 50, or 60 million. It felt like we could’ve gone there. Gigli winged us a bit, but even in the moment, I was too Catholic to bitch about it because I was like, ‘Everything else is good, and I can’t believe they let me make fucking movies for a living anyway.’ As long as I can make them their money back eventually, I always felt kind of good. I know from years and years of people telling me about profit statements and breakdowns, my strongest muscle…I have no upper body strength, but by God I have strong legs…And my legs are video.
That kind of thing used to matter to me, but post-Southwest everything changed, and I stopped caring about that all together. Now I’ve got this thing where I’m obsessed, not in a Jim Carrey kind of way, but I’m pretty sure I know I’m going to die relatively young. I know this because I’m morbidly obese and don’t do anything about it.
Yeah, what’s up with saying you’re going to die?
I’m morbidly obese, dude! I don’t live a healthy life at all. I live a sedentary lifestyle, and I eat shit. Well, not literal shit. Well, sometimes I do. I’m a big ass eater with my wife. But that’s not what’s going to kill me. I eat a pure sugar diet. Literally. The other day, my friend Malcolm’s like, ‘There’s an article about the sugar cereals you like, and which ones are the worst.’ I’m like, ‘Alright, hit me.’ He’s like ‘Sugar Corn Pops.’ I’m like, ‘That’s my favorite fucking cereal on the planet!’ He’s like, ‘65% sugar.’ I was like, ‘Well, that would explain a thing or two about a fucking thing or two.’
That’s all I fuckin’ eat. Processed corn based foods. You live a whole life like that, one or two things are going to happen. Either you’re persevered like a fucking mummy, or sooner or later, your heart’s going to explode. But I think it’s an aneurysm. I’ve always had this weird fucking feeling in my head, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be an embolism or an aneurysm that takes me out. We’re hoping to get the flick into Sundance. If I do that, I don’t care what happens after that. Well, I do want to make Hit Somebody because that’s a badass movie. That’s the one to go out on. It’s an elegy to youth, and it’s also about work, and trying to be good at something even though you’re not. It’s based on this Warren Zevon song that Mitch Albom wrote the lyrics for, so it’s got this awesome pedigree. Really, it’s all about Canada. The whole movie’s a valentine to Canada, the land that spawned the game, and how the two are so tightly connected. The way the movie’s written now, it’s like Wikipedia for Canada. There’s a narrator and he’s constantly updating you on Canadian history and stuff.