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Batman — From the comic to the chthonic

Wayne's World
By NICK JOHNSTON  |  July 20, 2012

BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)

Director: Joel Schumacher, henceforth known by fanboys as Judas.

Real World Events: Timothy McVeigh is convicted. Tony Blair is elected. Titanic sails. Biggie dies. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone sells millions of copies.

Comic World Events: Gotham City (and Wayne Manor) destroyed by a gigantic earthquake, resulting in the "No Man's Land" storyline.

Gotham City Style: It's like Times Square, but tackier.

Under The Cowl: George Clooney, who called the film "a waste of money."

Sidekick/Love Interest: TWO sidekicks this time! Chris O'Donnell's Robin returns, now into x-treme sports, corny one-liners. He's still boring. And a career ending turn by Harvard grad Alicia Silverstone as Alfred's niece, a.k.a. Batgirl.

Bat-Gadgets: Bat-boots with retractable ice skates. You know, just in case you need to play hockey against a bunch of goons.

Villains: Mr. Freeze (Ah-nuld), Poison Ivy (Ooh-muh), and Bane (Jeep Swenson), in one of the most bizarre team-ups since the Axis. High camp with absolutely fucking ridiculous costumes. I love them.

Bad/Bat-line: Arnold's "What killed the dinosaurs? THE ICE AGE!" (Okay, it's not exactly, "I'll be back.")

Cowl rating/Phoenix Crix Pix: Two cowls. "A cynical product" with "no soul or personality."

Cowl rating/Nick's Pix: Three cowls. Alright, nerds: time for some real talk. This is the most tonally consistent and entertaining live-action Batman movie since 1966, and it's by far one of the most bizarre movies to ever get a few hundred million behind it. The next time you're drunk and making fun of it, just remember, it's drunk and making fun of you.

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