RATING: LAST DATE
Crank (2006) Jason Statham's hit man finds himself doped up on a drug that will kill him if he doesn't get a shot of adrenaline once per hour. Starting unprovoked fights with gangsters and cops works in a pinch, but when down and out in a crowded Chinatown market, he invites his reluctant girlfriend (Amy Smart) to save his life by shagging him in public. Heightening the cheese factor is the '"take me, do me" porn banter and the looks of the C-town denizens who seem befuddled and amused in all the wrong ways — as you will, too, should you sit through this tool session. _Tom Meek
Greenberg (2010) Sweet-natured, free-spirited Florence Marr (Greta Gerwig) takes depressed misanthrope Roger Greenberg (Ben Stiller) home with her. God knows why; he's horrible. She's young and easily impressed, but while he's kissing her stomach and starting to go down on her, he pops his head up and asks if that's a cold sore on her lip. _Mary Pols
Quills (2000) Geoffrey Rush as the Marquis de Sade writing his scandalous texts with his own blood on his naked body.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001) Giving a handjob to an elephant.
Zoolander (2001) Orgy scene involving Sherpa guide, Laplandish dwarves, hallucinogenic tea, Ben Stiller, and Owen Wilson.
About Schmidt (2002) Kathy Bates inviting Jack Nicholson into the hot tub.
Human Nature (2002) A man raised as an animal seeks happiness with a woman completely covered with fur.
Warm Water Under a Red Bridge (2002) A woman whose orgasms are real gushers.
Something's Gotta Give (2003) Jack Nicholson getting a gander at Diane Keaton's charms.
Hannah Takes the Stairs (2007) Greta Gerwig shares a bathtub with a guy and a trumpet.
Melancholia (2011) Kirsten Dunst shagging the gofer on the golf course.
The Guard (2011) Brendan Gleeson getting it on with a pair of prostitutes.
The Master (2012) Joaquin Phoenix fucking a woman made out of sand.