RATING: WALK OUT
A Dangerous Method (2011) It had such potential for titillation: the stunning, energetic Keira Knightley and the imposing, sexy Michael Fassbender — playing freaking Carl Jung and one of his patients! Alas — not when David Cronenberg handles it: Knightley's spastic, ridiculously overwrought performance was, despite being obviously heartfelt and authentic, so creepy and silly it dowsed what should have been one of the hottest screen clinches of the year. _Peg Aloi
Hyde Park on the Hudson (2012) The least appealing hand job in the history of movies, and this includes whatever happened in any Porky's flicks. FDR (Bill Murray) takes mousy Daisy (Laura Linney), his sixth or seventh cousin, on a drive. He ditches the Secret Service, parks the car in a meadow, and places her innocent hand on his, as they say, manhood. Then director Roger Michell pulls the camera back and lets us watch from a distance as the convertible moves rhythmically up and down. Not since the era of Gap dresses, perky berets, and misplaced cigars has presidential sex seemed less appealing. _Mary Pols
American Psycho (2000) A naked Christian Bale chasing his date down several flights of stairs with a chainsaw.
Me, Myself and Irene (2000) Jim Carrey waking up in a motel room in a pile of soiled tissues.
Joe Dirt (2001) David Spade breaking the ice with the girl he fancies by freeing her dog's testicles, which are frozen to a porch.
The Animal (2001) Rob Schneider marking his sweetheart as his property by pissing on her doorstep.
Enough (2002) Domestic-violence victim Jennifer Lopez turning the tables.
Secretary (2002) Maggie Gyllenhaal delivering mail on her knees to James Spader.
Swept Away (2002) Madonna flexing her muscles and taking abuse.
Brown Bunny (2004) Chloë Sevigny gets intimate with Vincent Gallo.
9 Songs (2005) All nine songs.
Shortbus (2006) The limber guy giving himself a blowjob.
Grindhouse (2007) Every scene in which Quentin Tarantino films women's feet.
J. Edgar (2011) Hoover getting his rocks off while listening to a tape of Martin Luther King Jr. having sex.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part One (2011) Bella and Edward's wedding night.