“What bodes ill for Jack Sparrow bodes ill for us all.” Ay, matey. A Disney “franchise” that began as an Oscar-nominated showcase for Johnny Depp seems to have walked the plank, but has it jumped the shark? I hesitate to answer, since this is obviously the first half of a five-hour film, and a shapeless mess that matches its theme-park origins as a mechanical ride. One wishes the film were as short. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley (as returning bores Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann) play second fiddle to Depp, who’s never made a sequel, and it’s easy to see why: with nothing new to create, he’s less swashbuckling scoundrel than swishing minstrel. At least Bill Nighy makes a splash as squid-faced Davy Jones. That I’m unable to say whether he’s a creation of CG, make-up, or both is a testament to the effects team. A pity they couldn’t work their magic to supply the film with an ending.
