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The Hills Have Eyes II

They should keep 'em closed

By BRETT MICHEL | March 29, 2007

0.5 Stars

VIDEO: Watch the trailer for The Hills Have Eyes II.

This quickie sequel to last year’s remake of The Hills Have Eyes promises that “the lucky ones die fast.” Not fast enough. Martin Weisz’s follow-up is an unnecessary 89-minute slog. As annoying as last year’s addition to the “torture porn” genre was, the amateurish tedium of Weisz’s installment actually made me appreciate Alexandre Aja’s wasted efforts. Sure, Aja’s film was a reprehensible pile of masochistic shit, but it was handsomely made shit: well paced, with a good cast of actors (Ted Levine, Aaron Stanford). This one only bores — and it carries the fecal metaphor still farther. On the eve of being dispatched to Iraq, a group of remarkably good-looking, incredibly stupid National Guard trainees (unknowns all) become the latest to face slaughter (and rape) at the hands (and tumorous loins) of inbred mutants in the New Mexico desert. Sitting in my seat as a feces-strewn victim was left to rot inside a port-o-potty, I could only empathize.

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