Chris Weitz comes on board to direct Twilight’s hotly awaited sequel, New Moon, but the second bite doesn’t sate quite like the first. Bella (Kristen Stewart) celebrates her 18th birthday with vampire boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson); when she gets a paper cut at the party, however, one of Edward’s brothers loses control of his blood lust. Concerned for Bella’s safety, Edward and his vampire family leave town.
Bella then develops damsel-in-distress syndrome: every time she’s in danger, she imagines that Edward will appear to protect her, so she starts thrill-seeking to fulfill her fantasies. (Any glimmer of feminism within you will let out a cry of dismay.)
She also rebounds with her childhood friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner), but that relationship is doomed to drama as well once Jacob discovers that he and his friends have the ability to shapeshift into vampire-slaying wolves. Much of the movie dotes on Jacob’s and Edward’s rippling abs. The soundtrack will be smothered by the sounds of screaming girls, and laughing at them may be the only pleasure you get out of this arduously edited angst fest.