The Big Hurt: The-Dream 'unsuccessful'

Plus Jewel 'funny,' El DeBarge 'searched,' Korn Korned
By DAVID THORPE  |  July 20, 2010

 
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"TERIUS 'THE-DREAM' NASH is saddened to announce that his marriage to Christina Milian was unsuccessful," a representative of the triple-threat R&B sensation has announced. Bummer! The two have a young daughter named Violet who was born just a few months ago. It's a shame things didn't work out, because The-Dream seemed like a hell of a dad. In a recent interview with Parlour magazine, he was asked whether he helps out with Violet. "I don't," he replied, "because my 'helping out' turns into expectations. I'll get Violet on a late night maybe one or two times, but after that, no. If Christina's tired, call the nanny, call Violet's granny. We got people."

Tell 'em, Dream. A good relationship involves boundaries, and if you keep letting your wife impose on you to take care of your child, it'll just create the illusion in her mind that you have some sort of obligation to help raise your offspring. Not your problem, dude! You've got people!

Of course, the split may have been about not child rearing but another sort of rearing altogether. A few days ago, photos surfaced of The-Dream cavorting with (and grabbing the ass of) his buxom assistant. "Unsuccessful" may have been a tiny bit of an understatement.

Funnyordie.com just put up a clip of JEWEL putting on a wig and make-up and funny clothes so as to be unrecognizable, then going to a karaoke bar and singing Jewel songs really well (because she's Jewel). Say, how legally binding is this "funny or die" concept, anyway?

In a recent Billboard interview, lead KORN yowler Jonathan Davis revealed that making the group's new record was "sheer fucking torture and hell." I feel for the dude. Christ, just imagine it: hanging out with the dudes from Korn all day, listening to half-finished Korn tracks. Going to bed as the singer of Korn, waking up knowing you're still in Korn, then trudging back into the studio for another day of being in fucking Korn. No matter how hard you work or how deep you dig, you're still gonna have a Korn record at the end. It's not as if Jonathan Davis could bust his ass in the studio and wind up with a Leonard Cohen album.

Two weeks ago, I reported that, according to MTV.com, "2010 could end up being the year of EL DEBARGE." As you might expect, DeBarge's publicists took that quote and ran with it — just days later, I got a hyperbole-drenched press release celebrating his triumphant return. Much as I thought MTV's prediction was a dubious one, DeBarge's people made an even grander claim: "In the 24 hours following his performance two weeks ago, 'El DeBarge' ranked as the number one searched term on both Google and Yahoo!'s search engines." Are you fucking kidding me? I'll stop short of calling the DeBarge camp liars, but wow.

Maybe they mistook features like Google Trends and Yahoo Buzz for a record of top overall searches — in fact, Google Trends just spotlights terms that experience a sudden uptick in search volume. Since he rose from absolute career zero to moderate interest right after his June 27 BET Awards performance, El DeBarge did top the Google Trends charts for the day. However, he was nowhere even close to the number-one search term. Even on the 27th, right after the awards, he was massively beaten by Chris Brown, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, and, yes, Cher. He didn't stand a chance against words like "ass," "boobs," and "herpes." But for one day, at the ultimate apex of his Google fame, he managed to edge — very, very narrowly — past the popularity of "poop."

DAVID THORPE | dthorpe@phx.com

  Topics: Big Hurt , Korn, Korn, The-Dream,  More more >
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