bh main june3
BIEBERWATCH! Though our wee lad is scarcely old enough to develop a musky scent of his own, he's already prepping his second commercial fragrance. Whereas his first — "My World" — was a unisex scent for all fans, his upcoming perfume is strictly for the ladies. "I wanted to create a fragrance for my female fans that I can't get enough of," said Biebs in the press release. "That I want to get next to and I can't stay away from."

The scent is called "Someday," with the ad tagline "Never Let Go." The implication is clear: if you diligently douse yourself in this fruity aroma every day, your dream of being whisked away by Bieber will one day be real. That's precisely what happens in the commercial: a girl puffs some on her neck, and Justin Bieber shows up in her room and raptures her up into the clouds, flies her around a bit, nuzzles her neck, and chastely fucks off.

Or maybe not so chastely: some quick shots flash by of the girl's hand opening to reveal a heart pendant with a keyhole in it and a little key, and we all know what that means: Bieber deflowered the heck out of this girl because her scent was so irresistible. And, for $35 an ounce, you could be that girl. Someday.

I was left dumbfounded by a story about major-label "indie" rockers FOSTER THE PEOPLE, best (and only) known for their debut single, "Pumped Up Kicks," which sounds inevitably bound for a Target commercial. The headline of the piece is "Foster the People Attracts Hipsters, Moms with 'Pumped Up Kicks' Single," and its basic thesis — one seemingly endorsed by the band and its label — is that the single is a success because it's tepid, derivative, and not especially hip.

According to Mike DiPippa of Columbia Records, "One of the reasons it has done so well is that while it's left-of-center for what traditionally has worked at many alternative radio stations, it's not too cool for the room." Hence the moms: "We played a show in Minneapolis and there was a 60-year-old woman just going crazy," singer Mark Foster boasts.

Forgive the nested quotes in this bit: " ' "Pumped Up Kicks" is one of those songs that blends something really familiar with something that's very modern,' Foster says of the broad appeal of the song, which boasts a laid-back, lo-fi '60s vibe, a slick bassline, and an undeniably catchy chorus. 'It's a song where you could lay on the couch and listen to it or you can get up and dance around the room to it.' " Is it just me, or could that description easily apply to Smash Mouth's "Walking on the Sun"?

Though rumors that BOB DYLAN once dabbled with a bit of dragon-chasing have floated around for some time, a recently revealed interview from 1966 candidly confirms it. "I kicked a heroin habit in New York City," Dylan told interviewer Robert Shelton, later the author of No Direction Home. "I got very, very strung out for a while. . . . I had about a $25-a-day habit and I kicked it."

1  |  2  |   next >
Related: The Big Hurt: Hot singles of August 23, 1986, The Big Hurt: Forward into the past!, The Big Hurt: Diving into the billowing smokestack of music industry press releases, More more >
  Topics: Big Hurt , Celebrity News, Music, Bob Dylan,  More more >
| More

Most Popular
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   THE BIG HURT: LUPE’S CAREER CHANGE  |  March 19, 2013
    You may have already had a big luxurious eye roll at celebrities as "creative directors" of companies ...
  •   WHO CHARTED: SMOOTH JAZZ SONGS  |  March 12, 2013
    If you dig deep enough into's genre charts, past the foreign hits, past the Latin and Christian stuff and the MySpace streaming charts, you'll find one last afterthought: Smooth Jazz.
    In her long career of pushing boundaries, Madonna has run afoul of some of the world's most powerful institutions.
  •   THE BIG HURT: DIVING IN THE PR DUMPSTER  |  February 26, 2013
    I've been dumpster diving in the PR bin, the rankest receptacle of music industry waste, and I've come up with a dripping fistful of the month's hottest garbage.
  •   THE BIG HURT: LEANIN' WITH BIEBS  |  February 20, 2013
    Bieber was allegedly photographed sipping something from a double Styrofoam cup, in close proximity to a big bottle of codeine cough syrup. This can only add up to one thing: lean . That purple drank, the laudanum of Screw, the deadly nectar of Pimp C.

 See all articles by: DAVID THORPE