• Check the closet for appropriately warm clothing. Realize the warmest sweater I have is one with Morrissey's face embroidered on it; get pretty embarassed at the idea of Pitbull seeing me in that.

• Run a few mental bear-survival scenarios. Most important question: can I run faster than Pitbull?

• Brush up on the Pitbull oeuvre. The "Bon Bon" video is pretty dope; consider asking Pitbull not to invite all those scantily-clad ladies along, or I'll just stand around blushing the whole time.

• Check up on Pitbull's entourage. Are there any spots open? Could this be a tryout for a more permanent gig?

• Come up with a polite way to ask Pitbull and Walmart if this is, uh, an all-expenses thing. If not, maybe drop some hints to my Phoenix editors that I'm a little light. Guys? Hello? I know you're reading this, because theoretically you have to. Oh, just gonna ignore me, huh?

< prev  1  |  2  | 
Related: The Big Hurt: Sex Pistols perfume, The Big Hurt: Alternative rock songs, The Big Hurt: Bieber dolls are coming!, More more >
  Topics: Music Features , Kodiak, music news, The Big Hurt,  More more >
| More

Most Popular
Share this entry with Delicious
  •   THE BIG HURT: LUPE’S CAREER CHANGE  |  March 19, 2013
    You may have already had a big luxurious eye roll at celebrities as "creative directors" of companies ...
  •   WHO CHARTED: SMOOTH JAZZ SONGS  |  March 12, 2013
    If you dig deep enough into Billboard.com's genre charts, past the foreign hits, past the Latin and Christian stuff and the MySpace streaming charts, you'll find one last afterthought: Smooth Jazz.
    In her long career of pushing boundaries, Madonna has run afoul of some of the world's most powerful institutions.
  •   THE BIG HURT: DIVING IN THE PR DUMPSTER  |  February 26, 2013
    I've been dumpster diving in the PR bin, the rankest receptacle of music industry waste, and I've come up with a dripping fistful of the month's hottest garbage.
  •   THE BIG HURT: LEANIN' WITH BIEBS  |  February 20, 2013
    Bieber was allegedly photographed sipping something from a double Styrofoam cup, in close proximity to a big bottle of codeine cough syrup. This can only add up to one thing: lean . That purple drank, the laudanum of Screw, the deadly nectar of Pimp C.

 See all articles by: DAVID THORPE