In a recent Big Hurt column about selling out with grace and dignity, I gently called out Snoop Dogg as an artist who'd entirely blown out his commercial gag reflex. The ink on that piece was barely dry when Snoop subjected himself to a new level of artistic humiliation: in a promotional video for Hot Pockets, the microwaved sustenance of suicidal bachelors, Snoop has reworked his hit track "Drop It Like It's Hot" as "Pocket Like It's Hot." Lyrics include:
So bring your friends, we going on a wild ride
Herb Sauce tender meats heat yo insides
So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a lizzle
Got some cheesy drizzle dripping on my shizzle
At this point, I can't even tell if I'm making this up or not. I don't think it matters — the actual Snoop Dogg has now lapped the Snoop Dogg I'd invent if I were trying to make fun of Snoop Dogg.
In other rap-debasement news: former (?) rapper the Game is making the very best of his last shreds of credibility with a new VH1 "celebreality" show. Says a press release: "It was anything but love at first sight when Tiffney Cambridge first met Jayceon Taylor. Tiffney, the 5th grade history teacher took to Jayceon, but wanted nothing to do with his alter ego, the young rapper known as the Game." (These days, I'm sure we can all relate to the second part.)
In "Marrying the Game," the release continues, "Jayceon's actions leave [Cambridge] in a constant struggle wondering if she will have to compromise for the rest of her life with his demanding, lavish, and wild career as a rapper."
You see, it's just like Rock of Love, but instead of an outlandish rattlesnake-hatted dweeb being courted by a busload of shrieking strippers, it's a guy bickering with his normal fiancée.
It's a bright moment for America: one of our young nation's most lucid storytellers is now a participant in the glorious system of democracy. "I've been voted early," Waka Flocka Flame told New York's Hot 97. "It's my first time voting. I'm a taxpayer now, so you know you got to vote for the right guy." Waka didn't reveal his presidential pick, but the Phoenix has obtained a copy of his ballot: he cast a write-in vote for "GUN SOUNDS."
This week in back payments, compiled from various human-misery stories on TMZ.com and hiphopdx.com: Tyga is a little behind on his rent. He's been living in a $16-grand-a-month manse in Malibu, but tried to back out of the year-long lease due to security concerns (pesky fans kept showing up at his door). The landlord wants the full lease amount, but Tyga — who hasn't even moved out of the pad — doesn't want to pay it (regrettably, it has come to a lawsuit). Meanwhile, Nas's Atlanta mansion has been sold at public auction after he defaulted on the loan, and Young Dro owes $45 large in back taxes, also in Georgia. Finally, another setback for embattled coke-doofus Scott Storch: he's wanted in Florida for failing to pay $28 grand in child support, and a California hotel filed a police report saying he skipped out on a $4 grand bill.