In spite of that, I feel that the true significance of its rather dense and muted lyrics can only be apprehended by ___________
a. the purchase of a hearing aid
b. reading the sheet enclosed with the record
c. going back and listening to "Memphis Blues Again," then come back to this and see if it doesn't blow you right out the door!
d. taking a course in Spanish
e. throwing the incoherent piece of pigshit in the trash and going out for a beer, where something good is probably on the jukebox.
Time for paragraph three already! Smooth sailing, bunky! You're almost there:
This record has inspired such ___________
a. ambivalent feelings
b. helpless adoration
c. bile and venom
d. total indifference
e. a powerful thirst
in me that I can't bring myself to describe the rest of the cuts. Track by track reviews are a bore anyway, and the album only costs $3.39 at the right stores, so go down and get it and find out for yourself whether you'll like it or not. Who am I, who is any critic or any other sentient being on the face of the earth, to tell you what a piece of music sounds like? Only your ears can hear it as only your ears can hear it. Am I right or am I wrong? Of course I am. I do know that I will ___________
a. go on listening to this album till I drop dead of cancer
b. walk out into the backyard and toss this offense unto mine eyes into the incinerator soon as I finish typing this spew
c. never forget the wonderful chance I've had here in the pages of Fusion to share this very special record, any my own deepest dredged sentiments about it, with you, who whether you know it or not are a very special person whom I love without qualification even if we've never seen each other, I don't even know your name, and am so righteous that I don't even care if you look like a pig
d. break this elpee over the head of the very next Jesus Freak or Hare Krishna creep I see in the street, just for the thrill!
e. go to sleep now and awaken upon a new morning in which I may be able to appreciate this unbridged poetic outpouring with fresh ears.
So before I sign my name at the bottom of this page and pick up my check I would like to leave you with this thought:
a. Today is the first day of the rest of your life
b. There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
c. The red man lost this land to you and me
d. Rock 'n' roll is dead. Long live rock 'n' roll.
e. Since these assholes that're stupid enough to print this shit don't pay me anything, why don't you? I've probably turned you on to a lot of good records over the years, and what do I get out of it? Nothing but a lot of grief! A lot of stale eardrums from listening to reams of garbage! A lot of abuse from cretins who can't understand that rock 'n' roll IS the Revolution! A lot of cheap bloodsuckers like hellhounds on my trail! I got "Yer Blues!" I've paid my body and soul! So send me some $$$$, goddammit, or I'll never write a word again for as long as I live!