Your faithful correspondent,


(Just sign your name here)


(And write your address here!)

You did it! You really did it! There, you see, that wasn't so hard, was it? Now YOU TOO are an officially ordained and fully qualified rock critic, with publication under your belt and everything. Just cut out the review, if you've finished filling in all the blanks, and send it to the rock magazine of your choice with a stamped self-addressed envelope! If they send it back, send it to another one! Be persistent! Be a "go getter"! And if you send it to all the rock mags in America, one of them is bound to print it sooner or later because most of them will print the worst off the wall shit in the world if they think it'll make 'em avant-garde! You could send 'em the instruction booklet on how to repair your lawn mower, just write the name of a current popular album by a famous artist at the top of the cover, sign your name at the bottom of the last page, and they'll print it! They'll think you're a genius! And you are! And when all the money you asked for in this review starts pouring in from your fans, you'll be rich! Rocco Langinestra will invite you out to his house in the Catskills for the weekend! Miles Davis will step aside when you walk down the street! Seals of Seals & Crofts will tip his hat to you and sing "Bah'aiii!" as you walk down the street! David Peel will write songs about you! So will John Lennon! So will everybody! Andy Warhol will put you in his movies! You'll tour with David Bowie, Leon Russell and Atomic Rooster, reading your most famous of reviews to vast arenas full of rabid fans! You'll be an international celebrity and die at 33! You made the grade! You are now a rock critic, and by tomorrow you will be one of the most important critics in America! You'll make Esquire's Heavy Hundred in 1974! Congratulations, and welcome to the club!

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  Topics: Music Features , Lester Bangs, Gonzo journalism, writing,  More more >
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