Hip-hop has always had a bad rap (duh-hyuk!) for misogyny, but when I think back on the long history of articles criticizing the lyrical treatment of women, I have to chuckle. Little did all these academics, right-wing pundits, and watchdog groups know that they never even scratched the surface; the ’90s produced some of the most wonderfully detestable hip-hop tracks imaginable, and no misogyny today seems to compare with those wonderful times.
Since nothing particularly interesting is going on this week, I thought I’d take a moment to reminisce about a few of my very favorite misogynist rap gems. These songs go way beyond mere sexism, disrespect, and degradation — they approach the truly sublime. Before continuing, dear reader, please note that I’m not condoning the existence of these morally unpardonable tracks or defending their content. I’m just enjoying them, the way a pervert enjoys getting stung on the genitals by a scorpion.
Too Short, “All My Bitches Are Gone”
Too Short used to have a lot of ladies, but he beat them, and now they’ve all left. You might think this would, with the right degree of irony, make a pretty funny cautionary tale, but it never develops in that direction. Short seems glad to be rid of them — perhaps because his fists are getting tired. A sample:
All my bitches are gone, them bitches bounced
I had a gang of ’em, now they can’t be found
They ain’t [cavorting] with Short Dog
Cause I’m from Oakland
You [trifle] with us bitch, somethin’ gettin’ broken
Your leg, arm, jaw, nose, pick apart
Oakland [gentlemen]’ll break your heart
When you get Short and co-star Ant Banks together, they form such an amazing feedback loop of woman hatred that it seems almost suspicious. Although they mention sex quite a few times, their relish and delight in woman hating comes off much stronger than their passing interest in sensual pleasures.
UGK, “Pregnant Pussy”
Very early in their career, the legendary Texas duo released an EP called Banned that collected tracks too hideous to be released on their Jive debut. One such track, “Pregnant Pussy,” is spoken of with hushed reverence among the offensive-rap elite.
I’m not usually one to censor myself or mince words, but I’m about to mince the hell out of this thing: this is a song about the notion that when one has sex with a pregnant woman, one is actually interacting with two different beings. “If she’s expecting, I can satisfy/And at the same time give the kid a pacifier.”
I’m not even sure whether the song is really misogynist or whether it exists in its very own previously unexplored sphere of wrongness. Either way, let’s not play it in front of our moms.
Goldy, “Baby by a Dog”
The first time I heard this song’s chorus — “Bitch had a baby by a dog” — I knew I’d found the undisputed champion in the field of reprehensible rap. Goldy and, yes, co-star Ant Banks (a true woman-beating superstar!) express some of the most sincere loathing of the female gender ever recorded.