Please release me

By DAVID THORPE  |  June 24, 2008

Speaking as a non-parent, I can only assume that the fun part about having a child is imposing your tastes upon it, so the music played during the birth of my baby should be a very personal and emotionally significant album chosen with the utmost care. I’m thinking Big Black’s Songs About Fucking.

On the bright side, all sales of this abomination benefit the March of Dimes, a charity that’s been cited for its bureaucratic bloat. You’re probably better off just visiting a maternity ward and handing 16 bucks to the most jaundiced baby you see.

iXoundWear (Hats for iPod®) Announces Caps for iPod® Nano 3rd Generation Available for Sale
iXoundWear products target an active audience, people who love to exercise with their iPod®, but hate the hassle of wires. All of the latest caps feature: patent-pending wire management system, player pocket, earphone loops and internal sweatband.

Now that those white earbud cords are too ubiquitous to function as a signifier of yuppie dorkness, Florida company iXoundWear has created a novel way to listen to music while looking like an incredible tit. The iXoundWear folks have been marketing a line of hats with built-in iPod pockets, meaning that (a) an electronic device is protruding awkwardly from your hat; (b) you have to reach up and tap on your skull to switch tracks; (c) muggers can just grab the bill of your hat and yoink!; (d) the earbuds hang down from your patent-pending headgear in a manner reminiscent of those party-animal beer hats with the built-in straws.

I urge you to visit iXoundwear.com/gallery and bear witness to one of the most tragic cranial fiascos ever thrust upon mankind.

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