Far be it from me to accuse smoldering rock firebrand SAMMY HAGAR of being “middle of the road,” but check out his recent statement regarding JOHN MCCAIN’s use of the Van Halen track “Right Now”:
When I wrote the lyrics to “Right Now,” I intended them to inspire people to . . . make a change however they needed to. Whether it was McCain who used the song or if Obama had chosen to use the song, the lyrics still have the same meaning, and we all need to do something to make a difference.
Aww! Everybody wins! Hagar then attempted to divert attention to some new solo project he did with an Iraqi dude, but I’m running out of column space and nobody gives a shit.
USHER is planning a 15-stop tour for ladies only. Yes truly: only individuals with vaginas will be allowed to attend the shows, which will be held in “intimate venues.” In other news: where can I buy a pill that turns me into Usher?
Haven’t seen too many reviews of the NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK comeback album yet. How about this: if a sufficient number of people (more than like, I dunno, 10) e-mail me (firstname.lastname@example.org) with the subject line “I dare you,” I will do the following:
• Buy the CD from a retail store, straight-faced.
• Comment on the album’s merits to a cute female clerk, if one is present.
• Pay for the album with my own money.
• Accept no reimbursement for the purchase.
• Unflinchingly listen to that shit from stem to stern.
• Write a glowing review and make every attempt to get quoted in their press kit somehow.
: Big Hurt
, Barack Obama, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, More