Top Ten Reasons I Couldn't Come to Your Show Last Night
by Matt Parish
10.  Car made a funny noise when I started it up, couldn't risk it
9.  I think my spam filter blocked your show email
8.  Had other stuff to catch up on
7.  I don't like the sound at that place
6.  Feelin' sick
5.  Needed to take it easy after going to shows the four nights previous to yours
4.  Bus never came
3.  I rode my bike to the wrong club, got a flat tire, then walked home crying
2.  Band practice went really late.  We're having super intense practices lately!
1. I was having a crippling existential crisis imagining the blank, nameless, faceless void that death will one day bring to me for eternity and I guess your show got lost in the shuffle.  I'm kidding!  I’m just not into your new stuff.

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