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Fleecing, stealing, shilling, and sucking with impunity

Taking a hint from Trent Reznor's elaborate gradation of album packaging, U2 will be offering five different versions of their upcoming No Line on the Horizon. There's the standard CD issue for those who just want to fulfill their tedious cultural obligation in the cheapest manner possible, and the double vinyl LP for those who need to adorn their purchase with a bit of imaginary superiority. For $36, one can upgrade to a cardboard digipack version that includes a booklet, a poster, and a downloadable film by photographer/designer/director Anton Corbijn (which, I'm guessing, has something to do with U2). If you're feeling $15 dumber, you can spring for a magazine-style package that comes in a 60-page softcover case with the CD and the downloadable Corbijn film. If you happen to be an obsessive completist or Bono's mom or something, you can spring for a $96 boxed version featuring all of the above and then some.

If you're a huge U2 fan, you're probably thinking, "Laugh all you want, jerk, but $96 isn't too much to spend on a great piece of art." Well, if you were a real fan, you'd have to buy every version, right? Just hope you're under the auspices of Bono's humanitarianism when you're rotting in debtor's prison, chump!

Oh, there's a sixth version, too: download the shit for free with no consequences. Thanks, RIAA!