British Invasion icon DAVE DEE has died at age 65. He was best known for performing with Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich, and the rest of the Fraggles or whatever. In other death news: a friend told me FEARGAL SHARKEY died and I halfway wanted it to be true so I could have an excuse to mention Feargal Sharkey in my column, but he's still alive (as I write this). So I went ahead and mentioned him anyway, and there ain't shit you can do about it.
My dear editors e-mailed me an item about BONO's starting up a column and podcast for the New York Times, but I've been afraid to open the message. I know I make fun of Bono a lot — doesn't everyone? — but I feel I've reached a point in my life where I can't afford to expose myself to any more Bono. I might have to declare this column a Bono-free zone just because I'm so tired of what a humungous poot he is with his cool-dad sunglasses and his loathsome coiffure, so oiled and fancy yet utterly powerless to conceal its sordid past as a mullet. This embargo will last until I forget about it, or until Bono does something ridiculous and I feel like making fun of him.
After a three-year separation from his wife, R. KELLY has finalized his divorce. Watch out girls, R. Kelly is on the prowl! And yes, I did say "girls."
: Big Hurt
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