Who eats vegetarian "meats?"
Consumer Reports asks this very question, and explains that vegetarians have a "philosophical problem with imitation meats. Eating meat analogs is thus selling out." Consumer Reports then proceeds to put you to sleep with the most thorough research on the matter (Fearn Brazil Nut Burger Mix tops the chart). It even goes on to say that these pseudo-meats provide vegetarians with quick meals since vegetarian meals take more planning. This is not true. And if it were, baba burgers are no way to solve it.

Who eats vegetarian meats? No one. I have a theory. Every night, all over the US, health-food-store employees take the soy burgers out of the refrigerator cases and hide them in the back room. In the morning, just as doors open, they lug cartons of soy burgers back out, mumbling something like, "Boy, these folks just can't get enough," and restock the case. You know how spaced out health-food store cashiers are? Well, they're just faking it. It's a ploy to distract you so you won't notice the soy-burger distribution staff removing s few every half-hour throughout the day so it looks as if soy burgers were selling like hotcakes. This goes on day after day for about a week, at which time they are sold to unknowing homeowners as insulation material.

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  Topics: Flashbacks , Fenway Park, Vegetarianism, CULTURE,  More more >
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