Elementary, my dear Watson

What is ... um ...; Satana, dead! Dead!; same-sex redux; talkin' 'bout a revolution
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  February 18, 2011

Phillipe and Jorge are decades-long fans of the TV game show Jeopardy! Thus, when we heard that there was to be a man-vs.-machine lock-up on the show between a supercomputer named “Watson” and two of the show’s most outstanding past champions, we flexed our mental John Henry muscles and got ready to hammer this upstart junk pile.

But while the two humans challenging the metal mental giant on TV fared reasonably well, we were forced to admit that mere mortals such as P&J could not take on Watson at its full Linux server-backed power. This was not a total heartbreaker. Your superior correspondents have noticed that as the years roll on, the speed at which we can "buzz in" for an answer has appreciably declined.

That is why for the past few years, our home game has evolved into what we call "That's Right, Jeopardy!" While we find ourselves unable to get the answers out before the contestants, we know when we hear a correct answer. So, one or both of us shout out "that's right!" before the charming host Alex Trebek can affirm that the contestant has hit the nail on the head. It provides a meaningful bit of satisfaction, with what P&J view as only a mild concession to our loss of brain cells over time.


SLOWER, PUSSYCAT

Flags at half-mast at Casa Diablo upon the deaths of two of P&J's Hollywood favorites.

The first to pass was the cult film legend, the darkly hot Tura Satana. Tura was the star of Russ Meyer's legendary 1965 flick, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! She also starred in another fave piece, the notorious sci-fi trash The Astro-Zombies. As the emasculating blouse and bra-bursting character Varla in Faster, Pussycat, Satana was the sultry top cat in a posse of intimidating go-go dancers in hot cars who kidnap a couple, off the boyfriend, and force the girlfriend into their hell-raising gang. You know, the kind of film you would go see with your mom. Her obit in the New York Times culled a famous bit of dialogue from the film to elaborate: "[W]hen a gas-station attendant tells her he believes in 'seeing America first,' [as he stares at her remarkable cleavage] Varla replies, 'You won't find it down there, Columbus!' " Tura always provided something special for both the men and the ladies.

We also saw the passing of Kenneth Mars, a Mel Brooks regular who had feature roles in both The Producers and Young Frankenstein. His scene-stealing star turn in the latter as the wooden-armed police chief with an accent so strong even his fellow villagers couldn't understand it still brings down the house at Casa Diablo. Care for a game of darts, Inspector?


SAME-SEX SENSE

Phillipe and Jorge have the distinct feeling we have written this before, but here we go again as the issue of same-sex marriage rears its head at the State House.

It was all hands on deck — or in the case of the members of the Little Rhody chapter of the National Organization for Marriage, all hooves on deck while tottering on hind legs — when the House Judiciary Committee began hearings on legislation that would allow two people who love each other to wed. P&J and Vo Dilunduhs have been to this rodeo, and it is sad and depressing to think that despite some enlightened minds at Halitosis Hall, such as House Judiciary chair Edie Ajello and Speaker Gordon Fox, this should still be an issue here in Roger Williams' lively experiment.

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