WAIT, IRAN HAS A SPACE PROGRAM?
Scene: An exhausted President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad holds his head in his hands, desperately mulling over where he could lead Iranians to a place free from the brutality and injustice visited upon his people from Jews, Americans, free thinkers, people who value human life, and of course, those menacing gays. An aerospace engineer who is being mercilessly tortured by Ahmadinejad's Revolutionary Guards finally suggests that Tehran start to colonize space. Ahmadinejad decides that this is brilliant. "EUREKA!" he cries as he slits the engineer's throat, dips a quill in the fresh deluge of blood, and proceeds to write up a plan to send his monkey, Abu, into space to seek a more welcoming environment for the Iranian People. Okay, none of that actually happened. But Iran does have a space program, and it has sent several small animals — a rat, turtles, worms — into orbit. A monkey is the next planned space traveler. Some say the program is a front for developing ballistic missiles. We like our version better.
: News Features
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