The Asian Dubya

Let’s hear it for the boy; Gina hits Fountain Street; hometown rockers
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  December 21, 2011

Well, you can bet they're sleeping with one eye open in South Korea these days, now that the recently deceased porn fan and Oriental Fatty Arbuckle impersonator Kim Jong Il appears to have passed his role as Great Oppressor to the Great Successor, his son Kim Jong Un. (He's one of three sons, the others of course being Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois.)

Nothing like putting an immature, not-too-bright, son of a career ultra-conservative into the White House — er, excuse us — into the ironfisted driver's seat in Pyongyang, is there?

The Big Un is said to be a huge fan of the NBA, doubtless because his oversized noggin resembles a basketball, replete with the family's trademark hair, which owes a debt of gratitude to the inventor of Chia pets.

We are certain that to keep the military from his throat and show he has some marbles both above the neck and below the belt, the Big Un will do something extremely rational like nuke Taipei. (Echoes of Iraq, perhaps?)

But if you really want to get an inside peek at the Bizarro World that is North Korea, P&J suggest you check out the "Inspector O" mystery novels of author James Church. They are Kafka meets LeCarre, and maybe throw in a bit of Andersonville for good measure.

Church is the pseudonym of a former Western intelligence officer who, a knowledgeable friend informs us, does considerable business and political work in North Korea and remains baffled by the fact that he hasn't been barred from entering the country as yet by government officials.

The "Inspector O" novels are about a police detective in Pyongyang. And the picture they paint of the country as "O" goes about his business, more jaded than an Andy Warhol disciple, is by all accounts as accurate as it is absurd . . . and chilling. P&J recommend starting with Corpse in the Koryo to wet your whistle. You'll be licking those lips for more after you're finished, trust us.


JOCKULAR

In case you missed it, the final score of the football game Sunday was New England 41, God 23.

Denver Broncos quarterback and true believer Tim Tebow explained the loss to P&J: "God said he was sorry he couldn't help me out in the fourth quarter, as he had previously scheduled back-to-back campaign strategy meetings with Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry. (And he said Perry's dumber than an anvil, and couldn't spell the Big Guy's name if you spotted him the 'G' and the 'O.')

"The Big Sir apologized to me," Tebow said, "But I told him it better not happen again."


VISITING HOURS

Reliable sources tell P&J that Treasurer Gina Raimondo and Urinal ubermensch Howard Sutton became close buddies in recent months, with our the lovely Ms. Raimondo seen visiting Howie on a couple of occasions at his Fountain Street Fortress of Solitude during the headline-grabbing pension reform war.

P&J were disbelieving, at first. That would mean Gina was seeking favorable coverage in Little Rhody's august organ as a vigilant crusader for truth, justice, and the American Way as she fought against the evil union forces (insert picture of a silverback gorilla biting the head off of a young child with George Nee's face photoshopped on the primate's body).

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