STATE'S EVIDENCE

A state trooper who leaked a report to WPRO's Matt Allen about Caleb Chafee's drinking party in Exeter has created a bit of stir. But that pales in comparison to what the staties could conjure up in the good old days, under Col. Walter Stone.

Stone, who was a bit eccentric (our own J. Edgar Hoover), designed the troopers' tres hot outfits with the jodhpurs and leather boots. They were voted best state police unis in the US of A, and featured on Late Night with David Letterman. (Young statie hunk Brendan Doherty, now a candidate for Congress, was one of the Vo Dilun gendarmes who modeled the uniform on the show. Rrrruff! Rrrruff!)

There was also the matter of one Joseph Bevilacqua. Elected House Speaker in 1969, he was tabbed by the always discerning General Assembly to be Chief Justice of the Rhode Island Supremes in 1976.

Six months after his ascendance, he presided over the wedding of mob boss Raymond L.S. Patriarca's chauffeur, even though the driver was under indictment for fraud. And around that time, a 1973 letter to the State Parole Board surfaced, which had Joe Bev declaring Patriarca "a person of integrity and, in my opinion, good moral character."

Hey, not for nuthin', but he was a stand-up fackin' guy!

What brought down Joe, though, was a state police photo leaked to the Urinal that showed the Chief Justice walking out of a Smithfield motel apparently pulling up his zipper and adjusting his wedding tackle after an illicit liaison with a dusky woman.

The affair and the fact the motel was owned by guys who had links to gambling and drugs — eh, what'samatta witchoo? What's the problem there? But the dusky woman? That didn't play so good with the Italo-American community. We mean, a mulignan? What's up with that?

The BeloJo ran the staties' Kodak front and center, above the fold, which proved less than amusing to Bevilacqua, and presumably his wife and family. Joe Bev took a leave of absence in 1985. Impeachment proceedings at the State House came shortly thereafter and he resigned. Stone 1, Joe Bev 0.

In an only-in-Rhode Island scenario, esteemed Urinal publisher Michael Metcalf died in a hit-and-run biking "accident" two years later. More than one person believes that drive-by may have been payback from Joe Bev's loyal friends.


MITT'S RUNNING MATE(S)

The loathsome little vainglorious prick, Chicago mayor and Obama loyalist Rahm Emanuel, got off a good shot at Mitt Romney recently, noting that after McCain's people vetted him for the veep slot in 2008, they decided they were better off with wilderness lunatic Sarah Palin.

It seems unlikely that Mitt will choose a nutty game changer of his own. So P&J are a little surprised over all the hubbub around his soon-to-be-named pick. But we have a couple of ideas of our own.

The most obvious choice is the Koch Brothers (two heads are better than none), who are already calling the shots for Mittens, in the manner that Dick "Dr. Death" Cheney did for the brain dead toy soldier Dubya.

Or, Mittens, how about Donnie Rumsfeld? He can send you morning wake-up notes quoting the Book of Mormon, while you struggle into your magic Underoos and "Mom" jeans with the neat little crease in them.

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