Trash tongue talker

By AL DIAMON  |  October 10, 2012

Of course, the same could be said of Andrew Ian Dodge. (And yet, I've used his name twice in this column, so far. I wonder if my writing is being subverted by clandestine political operatives in order to send some kind of subliminal message nudging you toward voting for Maine's first and only Goth senatorial candidate.)

The bottom line is that virtually all the advertising you see that mentions Dill is being produced by people with exactly the opposite views from hers. They really want you to vote for Summers, but don't dare mention him for fear of boring you to death.

Most of the commercials you see attacking Summers are actually promoting King's candidacy (no matter what you've heard, he's never had more than one wife at a time), even if they're paid for by Dill's party.

And if you see any TV spots saying nice things about Dill, you've probably screwed up your prescription meds again and are hallucinating. If you don't get yourself straightened out by election day, you could end up accidentally voting for Andrew Ian Dodge.

Of course, you don't need to misread the labels on your pills to be inundated with preposterous claims about the senatorial candidates. In evaluating them, consider Dr. Klimflux's advice from his landmark study, "Drinking the right brand of beer will not improve your sex life. Playing the lottery is unlikely to upgrade your finances. And believing anything produced by political consultants will not help you overcome your reputation for being dumber than a lemur."

Dill-ettantes, Summers-complaints, and King-makers are invited to email me at Dodge-y types, please.

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