Phillipe and Jorge cranked up the sound system to 11 in the Boom Boom Room as the polls closed Tuesday night, playing Gil Scott-Heron's "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" and pinning on our "Clean for Gene" buttons. Just a pair of cock-eyed optimists, we suppose.
Scott-Heron's masterpiece drowned out the newscasters' brain-addled repetition of the phrase, "And the great state of (insert state here) goes to . . ." when reporting on returns in the presidential contest. It's a cliché normally left to political convention speakers wearing some sort of foam hat representing the state. We've seen Wisconsin's cheeseheads, but we haven't yet seen anyone stand up wearing a quahog hat (unless you count one of Buddy Cianci's less convincing toupees).
P&J were less-than-surprised by Sherbert Whitebread's trouncing of Barry Hinckley in the US Senate race and Congressman Jim Langevin taking his three-way contest in a walk. Congrats to Langevin are in order, but we will always feel a bit less fond of him for standing by as Channel 12 excluded independent candidate Abel Collins from its televised debate. A real statesman would never have allowed that to happen.
Congressman David "Chi-Chi" Cicilline's win was no cause for exultation at Casa Diablo, as the little wheeler and dealer still has to be held to account for bankrupting Providence during his stint as mayor. Now if only he could find a good criminal attorney to represent him (hi, Jack!). But high marks to Brendan Doherty for making it a real contest — and while he professes not to be a fan of politics, he should remember terms in House last only two years.
Speaking of crimes, the entire Rhode Island Board of Elections should be hauled before a judge for its mishandling of ballots in a couple of communities. Yes, we know it's tough when your entire polling place operation consists of the AARP All-Stars. But how you can bungle a job for which you have two years to prepare? We suggest you brush up that c.v., Mr. Kando. Or maybe not. We forgot, this is Vo Dilun.
P&J were able to sneak over the border into Seekonk and use fake IDs to cast our votes for the wonderfully victorious Elizabeth Warren — a task made much easier by the fact that we are both white males. Ms. Warren had better live up to her promises to the middle or we will have to send her back to the reservation (geddit?).
We hope President Obama's re-election will put some fire up his patoot. With a vote of confidence — however slim his popular-vote majority — he can and should get tough on Congress. That means putting divisive, vile partisan politicians like the aging queen Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and QT-tanner and cry-baby Speaker of the House John Boehner to the sword — and delivering a few slashes to the likes of the hideous House Minority Leader Nancy "Ms. Botox 2012" Pelosi and weasel-like Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid while he's at it.
The election could also put a heartwarming end to the blowhard a-holes of the Tea Party, whose ultra-partisan and obstructionist ways make them an easy target. The people — those of us who live outside the beltway and far from Wall Street — want and need progress. Grow a pair and be a hero, Mr. President. We could use a real one.