Eyes under the water

High-tech baywatch; budget follies; a super man
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  June 19, 2013

P&J always try to be calming influences amidst the hurly-burly of modern living. These days, we’re telling distraught friends who have forgotten their passwords for any of their technological devices not to worry: just call the FBI, CIA or NSA, because they have all of them.


The Sunday Urinal’s story by Tom Mooney about the state’s camera surveillance of Narragansett Bay was well done, and brought out all the best conspiracy theories. But what it ignored is the fact that without a doubt, you couldn’t sneak a jihadist eel with a bomb vest through the waters of the Bay because of what the Navy and its contractors have rigged up against underwater threats.


The Newport Bridge is believed to contain all sorts of communications devices in its towers and, as a result, P&J have had the frequent experience of having our car radio go haywire when we cross the span — always directly under the main arches. We’ve had former bridge officials tell us it is rigged to the tits with high-end monitoring equipment. We’re certain this is true.

Years ago, P. tried to get info on the submarine routes coming out of New London that the Navy uses to send our ships on their way across the Atlantic. Getting a laugh out of Dick Cheney would have been easier. There are still designated torpedo and mine testing areas in and around the Bay, and if you’ve ever sailed in the area, chances are you went right above them.

In the long run, we should all probably be grateful since, given the fact that German U-boats got as close to The Biggest Little as Rhode Island Sound during World War II, it beats blacking out the windows on nights when the Homeland Security folks have a panic attack.

S.O.S. at General Assembly


One of the most perverse and pervasive things done at the General Assembly is leadership bum-rushing the state’s budget through their chambers in the last throes of the legislative session. Same old shit, as they say.


There are — and have been — only about as many people you can count on both hands (assuming no chainsaw accidents which required loss of digits) who read the whole budget as proposed, or actually understand it. And those folks are usually Kathy “Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill” Gregg of the Urinal, and a few policy and financial aides. (Legislators would have a chance at reading the whole thing, but their lips get tired after a short while.)


So as P&J go to press, we learn that once again, the House Finance Committee will put out a newly revised budget and then ask its members to approve it.


As GOP House Minority Leader Brian Newberry told the BeloJo, with a lot less snarkiness than P&J, “The idea that they are going to have a hearing [Tuesday] and, right before the hearing, announce to the world what is a substantially revised budget. . . and then (ask) people to vote it up or down. . . strikes me as not really the right way to run the government.”

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