Bring on the alt-holidays

By PHOENIX STAFF  |  December 31, 2013

April

April 20-26: International Whistlers Week | Here are some inspirational quotes to whet your whistle for a week’s worth of whistling:

“You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? Just put your lips together and blow.”

_Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”

_Mitch Hedberg

“If the pressure is getting to you, whistle. In a barely audible way. It’s the best way I know of to let go of tension. Music gets your mind off the situation, and the act of whistling melts the tension out of your body.”

_Fuzzy Zoeller

Third Thursday in April: High Five Day | According to Wired’s “How-to Wiki,” the following elements add up to a perfect high-five:

1) Confidence. “He who launches the high-five owns the high-five.”

2) Focus. “Keep your eye on the elbow; that’ll automatically line up your mitts.”

3) Form. “As you reach the high point of the arc, make your hand slightly concave to create that satisfying thunderclap.”

April 19: National Garlic Day | “If everyone ate more garlic, the world would be a happier place.”

_Food writer and former Gourmet magazine editor Ruth Reichl, in her 2001 book,Comfort Me with Apples

“Garlic? I’ll just leave now.”

_Every vampire ever

Get the picture?

May

International Internal Audit Awareness Month | If we’ve told you about this holiday before, we must have told you a thousand times. The Department of Redundancy Department is sending its inspectors around to check underneath each cubicle for lost TPS-report cover sheets. And if you decide to remain unaware of this international-scale internal audit, well then I guess you’ll just be left to enjoy the month of May.

May 11: National Train Day | Visit the Rhode Island Railroad Museum at the Kingston Station (1 Railroad Ave, South Kingstown), which features an operating model railroad depicting Kingston in 1948. And bring your mom — this year, May 11 is also a bizarre holiday known as Mother’s Day.

May 22: World Goth Day | Celebrate by going to Bedlam (183 Angell St, Providence) and adorn yourself with an array of dark and daring “new and resurrected rags.” Dress like you mean it.

June

Lane Courtesy Month | Do you hear that, people?! Stay in your motherfucking lane, asshole. Happy holidays!

June 14: National Bourbon Day | Tweet us your favorite bourbon cocktail in town at @ProvidencePhoenix.

June 28: National Wildlife Foundation’s Great American Backyard Campout | Among BuzzFeed’s “34 Things You Can Cook Over A Campfire” — canned biscuit campfire donuts, campfire paella, boozy campfire cheese (“like fondue, but for the outdoors”), and baked apples filled with Nutella.

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