Bring on the alt-holidays

By PHOENIX STAFF  |  December 31, 2013

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November

International Impotence Education Month | There will be more to celebrate starting in 2017, when Teva Pharmaceutical Industries starts selling a generic (less expensive) form of Viagra.

November 2: Cookie Monster’s Birthday | Though this lovable blue guy was forced in 2005 to say he enjoys cookies only as a “sometimes food” (health fascists, please go away), we’re positive he celebrates his own birthday with tons
of treats.

Day after Thanksgiving: Flossing Day | Flossing regularly is the least we can do to keep our mouths healthy. Of course, if you have too much floss, the internet tells us you can use it as a replacement shoelace, alternate clothesline, or material for a DIY dreamcatcher.

December

December 5: Annual Day of the Ninja | wikiHow.com offers five easy steps to achieve ninjaness:

“1. Decide upon a series of ideas, morals, and philosophies that you truly can live by.

“2. Silence is a valuable asset. Never publicize that you are a ninja.

“3. Learn how to move stealthy. Learn how to fight. Know how to escape. Learn to control people by words and non-violent influence. Master self-control.

“4. Exercise and maintain a ninja body. Feed your mind. Practice meditating.

“5. Know what a ninja needs. Acquire the skills, equipment, and weaponry.” Head to — where else? — Ninja World (1926 Warwick Ave, Warwick) to fulfill those ninja needs.

December 30: Bacon Day | You started the year with an entire pig, but you’re one of those saving types who keeps the best part for last. End the year with fried slices of pork belly. If you’ve planned ahead properly, you’ll have enough to be able to start the year with it too!

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