Laughs from the Gray Lady

The High 'Times'; exploring Planet Hillary; best wishes for Buddy
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  January 29, 2014

The New York Times isn’t known for being a laugh-a-minute publication, but the Sunday January 26 edition brought a few chuckles — whether intentional or not — from Phillipe and Jorge.

The yuks started with Maureen Dowd’s column in the Sunday Review section. Mo’s not bad when it comes to being humorous; she’s regularly snarky. But in this case she was either biting her tongue to keep from laughing, or just paying out enough rope to let her interviewee hang herself.

Her piece was one of the now-obligatory looks at every possible aspect of the legalization of marijuana in places like Colorado and Washington. (Even JockWorld has gotten involved. Pointing out that the two Super Bowl teams, the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks, hail from the new stoner states, clueless sportscasters have been providing perhaps the worst and witless comments of all.)

Dowd’s Times column featured a couple from Denver who have turned their home into an upscale B&B that provides two rooms, 24/7 car service, and a hot tub to visitors — not to mention gratis reefer. And to up the bizarre-cum creepy-appeal, owners Dale Dyke and Chastity Osborn (if those are indeed your real names, Col. Bat Guano) are members of the American Association for Nude Recreation. That means clothing is optional on the premises.

Dyke and Osborn are nothing if not ambitious. As Chastity tells Dowd, “We want the higher-end clientele. Comedians. Adult film entertainers. Musicians.” Yep, when P&J think of “higher-end clientele,” adult film entertainers immediately come to mind. Nothing like a parade of silicone implants and tattoos to make things respectable. And comedians and musicians also bring that je ne sais quoi of and dignity to any gathering, provided you’re in the mood for countless dick jokes (easy enough with Johnny Wadd wannabes walking around in the buff) or pierced egotists playing air guitar while already ripped to the tits even before the Mary Jane brownies appear.

The name of the Dyke/Chastity enterprise is, of course, “Get High Getaways.” While we’re pretty sure we wouldn’t want to get high with naked “high-end” strangers, we wish the innkeepers good luck in their future endeavors.

Laughs from the Gray Lady, II

We’re not sure if you remember the furor caused by the 2011 Newsweek cover photo of then-presidential candidate Michele Bachmann with the bold caption, “The Queen of Rage.” It featured Bachmann looking like the monster raving loony she actually is: bug-eyed and staring out from the page like she’d seen the divine light of the beginning of The Rapture. While heavily criticized for what was essentially a visual hatchet job, Newsweek didn’t back down, despite the inevitable whining and moaning from conservatives over “liberal media bias.”

So P&J can just imagine the ashtrays flying in Chappaqua on Sunday when The New York Times Magazine’s cover story “Planet Hillary” arrived, depicting Hillary Clinton’s head inside a large orb that couldn’t have been more unflattering if someone had scribbled a fake mustache and goatee on it. By placing her face off-center, the rest of the “planet” was filled with what appears to be bare, slightly wrinkled skin, making it look like a cross between a giant goiter, or a lopsided version of hydrocephalus, aka “water on the brain.” In either case, not what you’d want for your high school yearbook.

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