Unavailable men need not inquire

In Layman's Terms
By DANA FADEL  |  August 6, 2014

InLaymansTerms_main 

“Life is currently frustrating. I am single (as of a year ago) and I haven’t really been on the dating scene, just here and there. But what I’ve noticed is that I keep attracting men who are completely unavailable—either married or in failing relationships (as I learn later). They don’t make physical advances, but I definitely get the feeling they are interested. Either way, guys I shouldn’t, wouldn’t, and don’t want to be dating. What am I doing wrong to attract them? And how do I get this pattern to change?” _LT

“The first thing I would ask is if they’re available or not, ‘cause that was an issue myself. If it seems too good to be true, than its definitely too good to be true. It’s the people she’s attracted to, she needs to change the whole...If you’re [attracting a] certain type of guy, look for a different type of guy. Set different standards. It’s gonna bring you right back to where you started if you don’t. I’d never look for a man at a bar, ‘cause they’re all taken!” _Andrea, 33, sports and entertainment, interviewed outside of the Civic Center

“(For her), there is security that these people have been in or are in a relationship. That’s something that’s desirable. I think it’s only a natural to find solace and comfort in someone that has someone else. She’s picking up on those vibes of partnership which is what she’s seeking. And commitment. I think she’s putting out the right energy, just finding the wrong crowd. It’s hard and it’s scary out there, and it’s a lot easier to find someone who’s putting out that ‘I’m in a relationship’ vibe, (and it) isn’t always a single demographic.” _Luke, 24, customer service, interviewed at Taco Escobarr

“Maybe by hanging out they think she has free time, because she doesn’t have anybody that she’s responsible for. And she shouldn’t feel bad about that. What should she do to get available men though? Well, she should go to an online ‘I’m free and available’ service, or she could put on a sign that says ‘I’m looking for free and available men, unavailable men need not inquire.’ Ask friends if they know anybody who is available. Or even ask these men who are unavailable if they know anybody who is available.” _Denise, 53, musician, interviewed at Dunkin’ Donuts

“She’s probably really outgoing and really friendly, and she needs to realize that men don’t understand; that if you are friendly, they immediately think that you want to have sex with them. Women can just be friendly and just want to be friends. I think there’s some sort of link that’s missing there. If she knows they’re married ahead of time, she might want to put in check her physical space, she might be sending the wrong signals. Don’t give them anything that will be misinterpreted.” _Meredith, 46, designer and entrepreneur, interviewed at Madhouse

“In terms of finding unavailable men or men who are in failing relationships, I think that’s pretty common. I think men are gonna date regardless of whatever situation (they’re in). Just naturally, being a man...I just think in terms of dealing with men and not trying to get into that situation, she needs to set more boundaries.” _John, 28, call center worker, interviewed at Congress Square Park

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