With football cancelled, some Americans found themselves with little to do in the week after 9/11. While most people were helping with rescue efforts, lining up to give blood, or grieving for loved ones, others were coming up with retarded conspiracy theories. We’re not talking about the elaborate government conspiracy theories concerning debris patterns and passenger manifests. We’re talking about making up phony Nostradamus quotes or folding dollar bills into triangles just so in order to get an image of the burning Towers. Yes, the same people that reconfigured the Land O’Lakes butter box to give the squaw a pair of tits got creative when they got to stay home from work that week. You probably got at least one of these emails.
THE TOURIST: The oft-parodied photo was a fake
Satan in the smoke
An image from CNN showed what looked like a face rising from the plump of smoke after the collapse of one of the Towers. As if there wasn’t anything else to report, the media ran with the story of the devil in the details.
“Don't these photos of Satan at the world Trade Center catastrophe tell us that the current seat of Satan's power is the World Trade Center?” read one email. It was never proven whether Satan was actually present, though we’re pretty sure 19 assholes were.
The Microsoft Wingding conspiracy
Someone discovered that if you type in “NYC” in Microsoft Word’s Wingding font, you get a skull and crossbones, a star of David, and a thumbs-up sign. Microsoft actually had to tell the media that the images were coincidental.
The $20 Bill knew!
Fold a 20 dollar bill just so, and you will see an image of the Twin Towers burning. Fold it again, and it looks like the Pentagon burning. We actually thought this was quite eerie, until we found this guy.
While you can piece together plenty of quotes from Nostradamus to work out a prophecy about the attacks, some moron wrote this himself, and started a chain letter on 9/13/01.
In the city of York there will be a great collapse,
two twin brothers, torn apart by chaos,
while the fortress falls, the great leader will succumb,
the third big war will begin when the big city is burning.
Willie Brown Knew!
San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown got a phone call the night before from his security team telling him to be careful when traveling. He flew anyway. This actually happened, and the San Francisco Chronicle reported it the next day, leaving Americans with a black guy to blame.
Jackie Chan escaped unharmed
Jackie Chan was scheduled to film a movie, Nosebleed, at WTC some time later in 2001. But Chan was not at WTC at the time of the attacks. He did not repel down the side of the building. And Mikey did not die from eating Pop Rocks and soda.
The tourist on the observation deck
Some dick mocked up a picture of a tourist on top of the Trade Center, with an image of a plane flying towards him. The text of the email read:
"This is just an astonishing picture. this was from a camera found in the wreckage of the WTC, developed by the FBI for evidence and released on the net today....the guy still has no name and is missing . . . "
Turns out the guy was a Hungarian tourist who visited NYC in November, 1997 (hence the heavy coat). The doctored photo spawned many imitations, which can be found at www.touristofdeath.com.