Mooninites cripple Boston

And rock your face off
By CARLY CARIOLI  |  February 1, 2007

070202_moon_mian
"I hope you can see this, Boston, because I'm doing it as hard as I can"

Boston, 2007 = Grovers Mill, 1938.

For those of you not familiar with Aqua Teen Hunger Force , the Mooninites are a race of video-game aliens who attempt, albeit inefectually, to wreak mayhem on the world. (They are completely awesome, though, because Schooly D does their theme song.) The joke is that the Mooninites always fail to do any real harm.

Except, that is, in Boston.

Roads and rivers were closed , businesses sent employees home, traffic was snarled, and the bomb squad even detonated a " sophisticated electronic device " when a bunch of lite-brite boards -- all bearing a peculiar resemblance to a certain Adult Swim cartoon, which also happened to be plastered across billboards in Allston and I-93 -- were uncovered by Boston's crack anti-terrorism units . The BPD, which has had trouble  the past couple years solving real crimes , wasted no time in rounding up the Arlington artist who was an accomplice to this grave deed. The state AG is promising lawsuits, and lots of them. Sleep easy, Massachoochians, your blessed city is safe . . . from evil cartoons.

Just to make you feel worse, the "devices" were also scattered around NY and LA. Nobody freaked out there. Our guess? Something to do with this new-fangled contraption called "YouTube." Apparently this city's never heard of it. At least not over at the Globe, which posted a grip of bomb-scare stories  (this just after the boring broadsheet fell for another local hoax -- the one about Theo Epstein getting married at a New York hot dog stand.Oops.)

Here's the video of people planting "bombs" . . .

Now for something really scary. Not only can Mooninites reduce our city toa gibbering, paranoid gob of hysterical bitches. . . they can also rock your face off. (Replace "Uncle Cliff" in the following clip with "Deval Patrick," then see if you can keep from crying.)

Oh shit, here they come again!

  Topics: News Features , Deval Patrick, Baseball, Sports,  More more >
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