Circus maximus

The greatest show not of this Earth
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  May 9, 2007

Bello Nock and the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus may be the Greatest Show on Earth, but the clown show at Little Rhody’s State House is the Greatest Show Not on Earth. This is due to how our politicians behave like they are on another planet.
 
The feud between Governor Don “Laughing Boy” Carcieri — not chuckling so much these days — and the Senate leadership is the kind of thing that makes Phillipe & Jorge’s job so enjoyable. The Don has accused the Senate of giving a backdoor deal to Capital Records, while our august four-leggers in that chamber counter with questions about the administration’s surprisingly rapid hiring of Smart Staffing, to provide state employees while pocketing a healthy fee.
 
Now everyone has their knickers in a twist. Add to this the hummer involving Prudential Financial, UBS Financial Services, and Local 99 of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers (known for their wiring ability). As recently described by the Other Paper, this features a $100,000 commission supposedly divided by Senators Daniel DaPonte and the obnoxious Stephen Alves.
 
Boy, we don’t even know where to start when it comes to lapping up the goodies, gossip-wise. Can someone please page Britney Spears and have her shave her head in the rotunda at Halitosis Hall? And bring Diane Arbus back from the grave to take official photographs of the General Assembly? (Just leave out the tails and airbrush away the scales, Di.)
 
Yes, this is Vo Dilun at its best, but the long knives have been unsheathed much earlier than usual this year. Could this perhaps be due to the added pressure in a lean budget year of the revelation that an anticipated $80 million infusion from the American International Group probably won’t be forthcoming? Ooh, sorry, citizens.
 
We would be laughing if we weren’t crying.

Excommunicated by DePetro
It looks like John “The Journalist” DePetro, WPRO’s barking mad talk-show host, has even grander delusions of grandeur: he thinks he is the Pope.
 
Phillipe & Jorge evidently missed the puff of white smoke over WPRO’s East Providence office signaling DePetro’s ascension. During his Monday, May 7 show, he was railing against the esteemed state Senator Michael Lenihan of East Greenwich, in whose district he lives, about the Capital Records’ furor. In the midst of a typically mindless rant, the Journalist urged the Town of EG to sever all ties with its solon, adding, “He better not show up for first communion!”
 
Or what, Pope John? You’ll excommunicate him?
 
We guess the former Mr. DePetro missed that little item about separation of church and state. The idea of an imbecilic radio talk-show host almost threatening a person to not obey their religion is beyond preposterous and insulting. (This is called a Reverse Sorrentino.)
 
It’s nice to see that Pope John is in touch not only with his civility, but also reality (honk!). Well, at least our pal Ron St. Pierre at WPRO — a sane talk-show jock, which is becoming a rarity — can take comfort in how the cardinal’s position at the Vatican, which he requested for Christmas, should be in the works. 
 
We’re sure Pope John will look cute in his little red slippers, if he wasn’t already wearing some to work. Kiss P&J’s rings, if you know what we mean.

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